2019 Tank Awards
The Happy Meal Award
President Donald Trump
For serving fast food to visiting NCAA Champions at the White House. This includes a buffet of Big Macs and Chick-Fil-A Sandwiches, complete with candles, and all the ambiance of a 5-star meal.
Most Annoying Person Award:
The bug that won’t go away. Antonio Brown’s antics grew tiresome for the Steelers, so they traded him to the Raiders. With the Raiders as the cameras for Hard Knocks rolled, he did everything to get released. After getting cut, he signed with the Patriots, but could not follow their rules and was cut again since he has been trolling the NFL alternating between saying he is glad to be gone to begging for another shot.
Empty Suit Award:
Just because he continues to be a blight on the NFL. He has not killed the Golden Goose yet, but he has given the goose cancer, and it is 50/50 whether it will survive Goodell’s tenure. The real test for the Golden Goose’s survival will come when the NFL faces its next labor deal because both sides are lining up for war. Yes, This is boilerplate and renewed again in 2019.
Safe at Home Award
While a member of the New York Knicks, the NBA Center was forced to stay behind and watch on television as his team traveled to London. Kanter was fearful of being arrested and taken to Turkey. Kanter who was born and raised in Turkey was outspoken of the country’s president Recep Erdogan, calling him a modern-day Adolf Hitler. This has led the Turkish President to issue an arrest warrant for Kanter, who is fearful he would be killed by Erdogan.
Worst Call of the Year:
For their bizarre and tone-deaf tweet on Martin Luther King Day, showing the civil rights leader wearing a Florida State glove.
Fundraiser of the Year:
Florida State Boosters
Who started all sorts of fundraisers from Go Fun Me to Lemonade stands to collect the $20 million needed to buyout coach Willie Taggert, who was fired in the middle of his second season as coach of the Seminoles.
Eyes on the Prize Award:
It was an up and down season for Adam Gase in his first year as head coach of the New York Jets. He endured a terrible start as quarterback Sam Darnold suffered the effects of mono, but finished strong winning six of their last eight games. However, whether it was feuding with injured players and media, the one thing fans remember is his stranges eyes in his first press conference in New York.
Troll of the Year:
Washington Nationals Fans
As their team won the 2019 World Series, fans of the Washington Nationals had a message for their former MVP, Bryce Harper, who turned down $300 million and signed a record deal with the rival Phillies.
Choke of the Year:
Tampa Bay Lightning
At 62-16-4, the Tampa Bay Lightning had one of the best regular seasons in the history of the NHL. However, when the playoffs begin, the crumbled quickly as they were swept by the Columbus Blue Jackets in the first round. The Blue Jackets who had never won a postseason series before 2019, outscored Tampa 19-8, showing once again the President’s Trophy is the ultimate lead weight.
Bonehead Play of the Year:
For his actions at the end of a Thursday Night Game, Myles Garrett of the Cleveland Browns was suspended indefinitely after taking hit Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback Mason Rudolph over the head with his own helmet. Instead of sound contrite, Garrett made things worse, claiming Rudolph said a racial slur. Garrett’s poor excuse-making could have eliminated any chance he had of returning right away in 2020.
Kisser of the Year:
The New York Jets once-promising season was over before it began as quarterback Sam Darnold contracted mononucleosis before the second game of the season and missed three weeks. The Jets meanwhile started 1-7 as any chance they had of contending disappeared with the Jets not having a viable backup option. Naturally, the circumstances surrounding the mono diagnosis led to several memes with one fan claiming it was her fault.
Tanks for Nothing Award:
New York Knicks
The plan was simple for the New York Knicks, tank away the 2018/19 season, and build around Kristaps Prozingis with a top pick and free agents. However, Porzingis fell out of favor and was traded. The Knicks did not win the lottery and watched the two biggest free agents (Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving) sign across the river for the Brooklyn Nets. The Knicks meanwhile are forced to start from scratch again after firing coach David Fizdale.
Bust of the Year:
In 2018 Edwin Diaz was the best reliever in baseball with the Seattle Mariners. In 2019 with the New York Mets he was the absolute worst. Not only did Diaz blow games he blew them in the most painful ways possible, like the night the Mets blew a seven-run lead in September to the Washington Nationals, to which manager Mickey Callaway said Diaz had electric stuff.
Mascot of the Year:
There is no question about who is the best mascot in the NHL. It is NJ Devil, the horned mascot of the New Jersey Devils. NJ’s antics went viral several times in 2019 as he crashed through a glass window at kid’s birthday party, delivered a pie to the face of Jimmy Fallon, and trolled other mascots, including Gritty with a salute to the Joker in the 1989 Batman film.
Old Town Road Award:
It was yet another season full of injuries for the New York Mets high-priced outfielder as he missed all of 2019. Already recovering double heel surgery, Cespedes broke his ankle on his ranch just before he would have been cleared to play. It was reported the injury happened while riding a horse.
Overrated Player of the Year:
Odell Beckham Jr.
His antics grew tiresome in New York and led the Giants to trade him. Now with the Cleveland Browns, it was more of the same for Odell Beckham Jr. There were more circus catches, more electrifying plays, and more headaches as he now is asking to be traded again. Beckham’s great moments fetches a large contract, but his teams have yet to have any success as the Browns were a disappointing 6-10. It is this reason that we declare Odell Beckham Jr all flash and no substance.
Underrated Player of the Year:
While everyone focused on Kawhi Leonard and his ability to lead the Toronto Raptors to an NBA Championship, it was Pascal Siakam providing the big shots when they were needed most. Siakam averaged 19 ppg in the 2019 postseason and has continued his clutch play as Toronto remains one of the top teams in the Eastern Conference despite the loss of Leonard.
Comeback of the Year:
After missing most of2018, Jimmy Garoppolo returned and led the San Francisco 49ers to the best record in the NFC at 13-3. The Niners head into the postseason as the likely favorite to reach the Super Bowl as their three losses were all on the final play. Garropollo, who was on the verge of stardom when he got hurt, showed what he could do in a full season, and it was nothing short of astonishing as he passed for 3,978 yards with 27 touchdowns.
I've Had Enough Award:
Who shockingly announced his retirement just before the start of the 2019 season. The Indianapolis Colts quarterback was again dealing with more pain, something that had become symbolic of his career as he missed nearly a year and a half before earning Comeback Player of the Year in 2018.
Rising Stars Award:
From the moment he made his debut at the start of the season to his final at-bat, Pete Alonso became the slugger fans of the New York Mets have craved for years. Alonso set several team records, including becoming the first member of the Mets to hit 50 home runs in a season, as he set led the majors and set a new rookie record with 53 dingers, adding in a victory in the Home Run Derby. At the same time, he became the Mets leader, creating the rallying cry that saw them turn things around in the second half “LFGM.”
Ray Ramirez Malpractice Award:
New York Jets
The New York Jets had one of the strangest seasons in NFL history, as they saw their quarterback fight mono, became the first team to lose to a pair of 0-5 teams, and rallied to finish 7-9. Along the way Coach, Adam Gase alienated half the team, the media, and fans, Sam Darnold saw ghosts, while several players filed grievances for the handling of injuries. This includes Kelechi Osemele, who was released after having surgery. Jets team doctors thought Osemele could play with a shoulder injury, but several other doctors advised him to get surgery or risk permanent damage.
MLB Players’ Weekend
In the neverending cash grab called merchandising, MLB has begun having unique edition uniforms for every occasion. This includes Player’s Weekend at the end of August. In the past, Players’ Weekend uniforms were colorful, almost like little league editions of the big league jerseys, featuring the player’s nickname on the back. This year they went with black versus white in every game, making it look like a dystopian nightmare, where color and individuality were banned. The nicknames remained on the jerseys, though one could not tell with black letters on black jerseys and white on white, making seeking who was on the field impossible. Making it even worse, the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers played with these uniforms robbing fans a chance to watch two iconic looks face each other in the rare regular-season meeting.
The NBA City Edition uniforms have been hit or miss; some are solid while other are hideous. The ones picked by the Philadelphia 76ers are over the moon. For the first time, a uniform spells out the city name in full, giving a script that looks as it was lifted off the Declaration of Independence.
Sweet Redemption Award:
A year after becoming the first #1 seed to lose to a #16 seed, Virginia won the NCAA Tournament, giving the Cavaliers the first Men’s Basketball Championship. Once again the Cavaliers were a #1 seed.
Mr. Not October:
Over the last decade, Clayton Kershaw was one of the most dominant pitchers in baseball, winning three Cy Young awards. However, the career of the Los Angeles Dodgers’ pitcher will forever be tarnished by poor performances in the postseason. None hurting more than his Game 5 collapse against the Washington Nationals in the NLDS.
Game of the Year & Play of the Year:
Toronto Raptors vs. Philadelphia 76ers Game 7
The second round of the NBA Playoffs featured the series of the year, as the Toronto Raptors on the way to an NBA Championship beat the Philadelphia 76ers in seven games. The final game came down to the final seconds with Kawhi Leonard, winning the game at buzzer 92-90.
Super Nova Award:
To those who thought the NBA would never survive in hockey-mad, Canada comes the Toronto Raptors, who took the Country on a two-month magic carpet ride, resulting in an NBA Championship, as millions turned out to celebrate in Toronto in a post-victory parade.
Joy of Six Award:
New England Patriots
A year after losing in the highest-scoring Super Bowl, the New England Patriots won the lowest-scoring Super Bowl, beating the Los Angeles Rams 13-3 as Super Bowl LIII turned into the Super Bore. It was the sixth Super Bowl Championship for Bill Belichick and the rest of the Tom Brady Bunch
Cheaters of the Year:
Who were exposed for having monitors set up behind the dugout to steal signs from the catcher, creating an elaborate setup by banging on a nearby trash can to alert batters of the coming pitch,
Inspirational Athlete of the Year:
Stand Up 2 Cancer, has become a major cause for MLB, with players taking timeout during the All-Star Game every year. The fight against cancer became personal for the Cleveland Indians, as pitcher Carlos Carrasco was diagnosed with Leukemia in July and returned two months later, pitching 11 times over the final month out of the bullpen for the Tribe.
Coach of the Year:
Clemson has established itself as the top program in the country as they go into 2020 with a chance to win their third National Championship in four years. The Tigers currently have a 29-game winning streak heading into the National Championship Game, including a shocking 44-16 win over Alabama in last year’s title game.
Turn Back Time Award:
Who showed he still has some golf left, as he won his first major in over decade, by winning the 2019 Masters. It was Tiger’s 15th career major title and the fifth career Green Jacket, ranking second to Jack Nicklaus in both categories.
Surprise Team of the Year:
St. Louis Blues
In last place as the calendar year began, the St. Louis Blues went on a shocking run to the Stanley Cup, the first in their franchise, using Laura Branigan’s Gloria as their soundtrack. The genius of Gloria comes from a night in a bar in Philadelphia, as the team began singing and went on a long winning streak that turned their season around.
Worst Team of the Year:
It takes a special kind of terrible to lose more than 110 games in baseball. To do it in an American League with three other 100-loss teams makes the Tigers 2019 season one of the worst in the last 50 years. Just a few years ago, the Tigers were contenders, but falling short of winning the World Series, the Tigers have rotted from the insider as their roster became old and loaded with bad contracts that were made when they were a contender at the start of the decade.
The 2019 World Series will go down as the strangest of all time, as the road team won all seven games, with Washington Nationals ending a 95-year drought for the Nation’s Capital by shocking the Houston Astros in seven games. The Nationals were a Wild Card, winning several key games away from home, including a Game 5 win over the Dodgers in the NLDS.
2019 Sports E-Cylopedia Star of the Year & Best Team of the Year
2019 US Women’s National Team
Everything wrong with the Men’s Soccer team is what is right with the Women’s National Team. In 2019, the American Women won the second straight Women’s World Cup, and their fourth overall, proving that Team USA is the true power in Women’s Soccer. As they fight for equal pay, the women of Team USA went into France. They dominated, never trailing at any point in the tournament as they crushed all opponents, making a loud statement along the way that nobody was going to stop them.
Star of the Year
- 2002 Lance Armstrong
- 2003 Roger Clemens
- 2004 Boston Red Sox
- 2005 Peyton Manning
- 2006 LaDainian Tomlinson
- 2007 Tom Brady
- 2008 Michael Phelps
- 2009 Jimmie Johnson
- 2010 Drew Brees
- 2011 Dirk Nowitzki
- 2012 Usain Bolt
- 2013 Peyton Manning
- 2014 Gregg Popovich
- 2015 American Pharoah
- 2016 LeBron James
- 2017 Sidney Crosby
- 2018 Alex Ovechkin
- 2019 US Women's National Soccer Team