2002 Tank Awards
The Greatest Gift of All Award -
To the New England Patriots, from the NFL, who kept their Super Bowl hopes alive with the moronic, and obscure ‘Tuck Rule’.
The 'Inbreeding is A Dangerous Thing' Award -
The father and son, whose names are not important (and should not be mentioned) who attacked Royals 1B Coach Tom Gamboa.
The OZ Cellblock B Team of the Year -
To the Portland Trailblazers for embarrassing their city daily with arrests, fines, and suspensions.
The 'HEY HEY HEY it's Fat Albert' Award -
To Mo Vaughn of the New York Mets for routinely letting balls get past him because he could not bend down.
The "Oh, what the hell? I only try to think of good things half the time" Award -
Randy Moss… you know the rest.
"It's just a flesh wound" Award -
Donovan McNabb, Eagles QB, who played a game with a broken ankle.
The Hip-Hop Award for best dancer -
Vince Carter, for dancing on stage with Nelly while his Raptors were getting shelled in Atlanta.
The 'God DOES keep score' Award -
To Rams QB Kurt Warner, who has not won a game since declaring he is a better Christian and this is why he wins, prior to Super Bowl XXXVI.
Kisser of the Year -
Charles Barkley, for kissing the hindquarters of a donkey after losing a bet.
The "Why people hate the French" Award -
Cycling fans who boo Lance Armstrong,
& the Judge who almost ruined the Olympics.
The "Not that's there's anything wrong with it" award -
To Mike Piazza, who had to fend off moronic and senseless rumors that he was gay.
The Money for Nothing Award -
To the Texas Rangers and the New York Mets for finishing in la$t place with a bloated pay roll.
The 'Empty Garden' Award -
Presented to the poor management of, and therefore no playoffs for, the New York Rangers and New York Knicks.
Worst Team of the Year-
Cincinnati Bengals (again)
Memorable teams of the Year-
Anaheim Angels and New England Patriots
The Homer Simpson "D'oh!" of the Year -
Lions Coach Marty Mornhinweg, for choosing to kick the ball in overtime.
The Thanks for everything Award-
Bob Hartley fired despite taking Avalanche to conference finals every year.
The "How is HE Still Here?" Award -
Nashville Predators Coach Barry Trotz.
The one more for the road award -
Red Wings Coach Scotty Bowman who retired after winning record 9th Stanley Cup.
The Bolivian Tourism Award -
To Mike Tyson, who while dazed and confused, said after losing to Lennox Lewis that he will “fade into Bolivia”.
The Dave Kingman Award -
To Jose Canseco for being black listed from baseball, despite still being able to help a team, apparently so he does not get to 500 HRs.
Stayed too long award-
Evander Holyfield, who looked like he was 50 in his last fight against Chris Byrd. .
Gone too soon award-
Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile who died at the age of 33.
Los Angels Kings new crown jerseys
NFL teams wearing dark uniforms and pants specifically the new Seahawks and Bills uniforms.
History Maker of the Year-
Cowboys RB Emmitt Smith setting a new career record in rushing.
Rising Star of the Year-
Houston Rockets Chinese import Yao Ming
Coach of the Year-
Miami Hurricanes Larry Coker who has not lost since taking over last September.
Father and Son attacking a Royals 1B coach will be invited on lecture circuit arguing for selective breading.
Like fans of the 1969 Mets and Jets fans of the Angels and Patriots will remember the players from their teams fondly, lining up 30 years from now to see them signing autographs.
D’oh!, I forgot its sudden death.
Jose Canseco who made allot of enemies over the years, plans to make more with a tell all book after being blacklisted.
Scotty Bowman- Always leave them wanting more is his bumper sticker.
What’s losing like?
Miami Coach Larry Coker 25-0 and counting, since taking over last September.
Mike Tyson will argue with anyone that stars can be seen inside, while he gets set to make his trip to Bolivia.
NBA Scouts ready to start studying China a little closer after Rockets Yao Ming’s dominat first 2 months.
Lance Armstrong survived cancer won the grueling Tour de France 4 straight years, and made Americans care about watching the grueling Tour de France, 3 miracles that could qualify him for sainthood.